Stories (Short And Long) By Joygopal Podder

# "THE MANHUNT" # "THE SPACE AGE" # "THE GREAT MATCH" # "SCOOP" # "BEAUTIFUL CHILD" # "RAMESH AND THE COSTLY MISTAKE" # "RAMESH AND THE NIGHT OF THE STORM" # "RAMESH AND THE AGE-OLD SCRIPT" # "DIGGING UP" # "THE DILEMMA OF MR. SHARMA" # "THE TREASURE" # "RAMESH AND THE LOST TENT" # "THE ALIENS" # "RAMESH AND THE SECRET OF THE JUNK SHOP" # "THE LAST ONE" # "THE GAME - A FOLKTALE RETOLD" # "RAMESH - THE HYPNOTIST" # "A TALE OF THREE GENERATIONS - A FOLKTALE RETOLD" # "RAMESH AND THE SPACE AGE"

Showing posts with label WRITE UP IN THE 'LIMCA BOOK OF RECORDS' 2012 EDITION. Show all posts

Saturday, March 10, 2012

WRITE UP IN THE 'LIMCA BOOK OF RECORDS' 2012 EDITION

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Life is tough; it takes up a lot of your time. And what do you get at the end of it? A death.

The unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

The life cycle is all backwards. You should die first – start out dead; get it out of the way. You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being healthy. You then go collect your pension.

Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch for long service on your very first day. You work 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you enjoy parties; you’re generally promiscuous. (Hey, you’ve only got a few years left, what’s the big deal?) And you get ready for college.

Then you go to school, you become a kid, you play; you have no responsibilities. And, finally, you become a baby.

The last step – you spend your last nine months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday and then…

You finish off in an act of love!

FACTS ABOUT INDIA:

1. India has never invaded any country during the last 1000 years of its history.

2. India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.

3. The world's first University was established in Takshila in India in 700 BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda in nirthern India, built in the 4th century BC, was one of the greatest achievements of the ancient world in the field of education.

4. According to Forbes magazine, the Indian language Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.

5. India's Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.

6. India was once the richest country on earth.

7. The art of navigation was born in the Indian river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word "Navigation" is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.

8. The value of "pi" was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is now known as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars, in 1999, officially published that Budhayan's works dates to the 6th Century, which is long before European mathematicians lived and worked.

9. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India. Quadratic equations were created by Sridharacharya in the 11 th Century; the largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 10 to the power of 6 whereas Indians used numbers as big as 10 to the power of 53.

10. According to the Gemmological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.

11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communication was an Indian, Professor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.

12. The world's earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra, in western India.

13. Chess was invented in India.

14. An Indian called Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract, fractures and urinary stones removal. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India .

15. When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (now known as the Indus Valley Civilisation).

16. The decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.

POINT OF VIEW...

CHARITY...OR WHAT?

A beggar was able to get a dole from a millionaire who was later annoyed to find the man at his favourite restaurant, eating a lavish meal of roast chicken. When the millionaire remonstrated, the beggar said haughtily: "When I do not have money, I cannot eat roast chicken. When I have money, I must not eat roast chicken. Then, tell me, when can I eat roast chicken?"

An extremely valid and unanswerable question to those who think that because they have given away part of their wealth, they can dictate how it is to be spent. Charity with strings ceases to be charity.

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Don't ask Grandma silly questions

Moral of the following story: Lawyers should never ask a grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

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The monsoon comes to Delhi...

For two months the city suffers under the sullen eye of the sun. The heat rises up in clouds of steam from the roads and shimmers down from the skies. The populace swelters and mopes. Tempers run close to the edge, and appetites die.

These are the days of Coke and Pepsi. Heaven is a piece of tinkling ice. Nostalgic thoughts turn to cool fir-covered hill resorts in Himachal.

The pronouncements of weather pundits on Zee TV and Star TV often take precedence over all other news. "Monsoon reaches Bhopal," "Monsoon nears Agra," "Monsoon days away..." Like a tardy bridegroom's party, it advances, tarries and advances again.

No glass, no heart, no dawn breaks as the monsoon does upon Delhi. A sudden whiplash of lightning. A salvo of thunder. Old Connaught Place buildings rock on their heels. A crash, a peal and an echoing reverberation beyond the arrayed clouds shatters into a trillion prancing drops. Soothing, healing rain at last on the festering sores of summer.

Cloud upon cloud growls up to puncture itself on the jagged edge of lightning. The rumbling dies, decibel by decibel, as the rain comes pouring down. It flirts with the grass at India Gate. It sweeps into open windows, drenching those who have the audacity to be asleep during this moment when the orchestra of nature is playing to full glory. It leaks into ramshackle shanties and laughs to see Nehru Place office-goers scurry for shelter. It bathes the metro rail coaches on the elevated tracks until they appear like gleaming metal gods streaking through the grey and angry sky. A cluster of jubilant umbrellas blossom out and nod their welcome to the rains.

Next morning, the earth, newly washed, basks in the filtered sunlight. There is water 30 centimetres deep in parts of the city. The road below Minto Bridge is once again a lake...and is featured in front page photographs in both The Hindustan Times and the Times of India. Cars splutter, trains and buses run late, and at Palam flights are cancelled wholesale.

The monsoon has taken Delhi by storm again.

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WISE SAYINGS RE-EVALUATED

AN ADULT RE-LOOK AT SOME OF THE WISE SAYINGS WE WERE TAUGHT AT SCHOOL...

"TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE"
Not if both are stupid.

"MONEY CAN'T BUY HAPPINESS"
Experience teaches us that, by and large, money brings more happiness than the absence of money.

"A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED"
And a penny spent is a penny enjoyed.

"EASY COME, EASY GO."
This doesn't seem to apply to houseguests.

"ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER"
Not necessarily. Absence can liberate the brain from the heart's maudlin seductions. And if absence makes the heart grow fonder, what shall we do about: "Out of sight, out of mind"?

"THERE'S A DESTINY THAT SHAPES OUR ENDS"
Perhaps. But a more likely destiny is the one that ends our shapes.

"HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST"
And he who does not hesitate falls off a ladder. What ever happened to: "Look before you leap"? Let's make no bones about it: he who hesitates will lose fewer fingers than he who uses a saw in a hurry.

"ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH"
A foolish and heartless injunction. Can you really tell your excessively plain daughter that she is no sight for sore eyes? Should you tell a sensitive friend that he has such bad breath that he ought to bottle it and send it to the Division of Chemical Warfare? Dare you tell your wife, just before you both leave for an important dinner, that the new dress with which she surprises you would look much better at a fancy dress party?

The truth is so precious, said Winston Churchill, Britain's Prime Minister during the Second World War (he was referring to wartime propaganda), that it must be protected by "a bodyguard of lies." The fact of the matter is that the truth is, sometimes, so bitter, so painful, so unjust, that it must not be revealed to those who would only be shattered to hear it.

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A MODERN FABLE

THE STORY OF NOAH'S ARK RETOLD

And the Lord said unto Noah: "Where is the ark which I had commanded thee to build?"

And Noah said unto the Lord: "Believe me, O Lord, three of my carpenters have reported sick. The gopher wood supplier has let me down - yes, even though the gopher wood has been on order for nigh upon 12 months. "What can I do, O Lord?"

And God said unto Noah: "I want that ark finished within seven days and seven nights."

And Noah said: "It will be so."

And it was not so.

And the Lord said unto Noah: "What seems to be the trouble this time?"

And Noah said unto the Lord: "My subcontractor has gone bankrupt. The pitch which Thou commanded me to put on the outside and on the inside of the ark has not arrived. The plumber has gone on strike. Shem, my son who helps me on the ark side of the business, has formed a rock group with his brothers Ham and Japheth. Lord, I am undone."

And the Lord grew angry and said: "And what about the animals, the male and female of every sort that I ordered to be put in the ark to keep their seed alive upon the face of the earth?"

And Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying: "The parcel service has delivered them unto the wrong address. And some animals are discontinued lines; thou cannot get them for love nor money. Lord, Lord, Thou knowest how it is."

And the Lord in His Wisdom said: "Noah, my son, I knowest. Why else do you think I have caused a flood to descend upon the earth?"

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Heavenly Father, look down on us, your humble, obedient, tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth, taking photographs and videos, mailing postcards and e-mailing shopping expedition stories to uninterested friends, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

We beseech you, O Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked, our luggage is not lost and that our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of hotels. We pray that the phones work, and that the operators speak our tongue, that there is mobile phone connectivity wherever we go, and that there are no letters and sms messages from our children which would force us to cancel the rest of our trip.

Lead us to good, inexpensive restaurants, where the wine is included in the price of the meal. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Make the natives love us for what we are and not what we can contribute to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the cathedrals, the palaces, and if, perchance, we skip a historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak.

Dear God, protect our wives from "bargains" they don't need or can't afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in nightclubs. Above all, please do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

And when our voyage is over, grant us the favour of finding someone who will look at our home movies and photographs, and listen to our stories, so that our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

Amen.

THE DONKEY THAT FELL INTO A WELL

One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, the farmer decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

The farmer invited all his neighbors to come over and help him cover the well. They all grabbed shovels and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quietened down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off, stamp the new dirt into the ground with his feet (thus increasing the ground level) and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well (since the ground level had reached the top of the well with all the new dirt) and happily trotted off!

Moral of the story:

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well of our problems is to shake off our troubles and take a step up.

Each of our troubles is actually a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest well just by not stopping, never giving up – but learning from our problems to help us take a step up.

Modern times twist to the tale:

After recovering from the injuries he had sustained from falling into the well, the donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him.

The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

Moral of the twist in the end:

Coming out victorious from problems is all the more sweeter if you can hit back at those who created the problems in the first place!

Stories (Short And Long) By Joygopal Podder

Saturday, March 10, 2012

WRITE UP IN THE 'LIMCA BOOK OF RECORDS' 2012 EDITION

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India celebrates 60 years of Independence...

Life should be lived the other way round...

HAPPY READING!

This picture of me was taken during a visit to a creche near Cape Town, South Africa

I live and work in New Delhi, the capital city of India

Some glimpses of India......

Another glimpse of India......

And some more glimpses of India......

India Gate at night

The Taj Mahal - India's pride and one of the seven wonders of the world

My elder daughter performing at a recent rock concert...

A friend and me (in downtown Manila, during a recent visit to the Philippines)

Memories of China...

My family and me

My daughters...

Celebrating Durga Puja - the festival of the Mother Goddess...

With my daughters and my mother...

Me inside an an Italian police car...

A brief crisis...that soon blew over!

About Me

My other blogs

POINT OF VIEW...

Don't ask Grandma silly questions

Unusual animal friendships...

The monsoon comes to Delhi...

WISE SAYINGS RE-EVALUATED

Blog Archive

Rules By Men...

Ideal Recipe

A MODERN FABLE

THEY ACTUALLY SAID IT!

The Tourist's Prayer...

UNUSUAL CARS...

And an unusual (hamburger) motorcycle...

THE DONKEY THAT FELL INTO A WELL

Glimpses of India...

WISH GRANTED

OPERATION BLUES